Lost My Wisdom

Poor Evan had his wisdom teeth removed Thursday. 

Wes was up bright and early getting him his favorite chicken biscuts for breakfast before his seven hour fast. 

All four were taken out in less than 45 minutes. As Evan said immediately after the surgery and still under anesthesia, “They were efficient. That’s how they make their money. They get people in and out of there fast.”

He was so talkative when I got him in the car and on the ride home. Here are some of my favorite quotes. 

Me: I need to stop by the jewelry store to pick up my watch. Are you ok with a quick stop?

Evan: Yeah. That’s fine. Did you get a Rolex? 

Me: You need to put your phone away. I don’t want you texting; you might say the wrong thing.

Evan: I still have my common sense. I just lost my wisdom.

Evan: When I get home I’m playing COD. I want to play somebody and get 20 kills, and then tell ‘em ‘You suck!’ They might be good, but I’m better.

Evan: Mom, the Redskins have to change their name.

Me: To what?

Evan: I don’t know, but it should be the Ghettos because that’s all they have there. Ghettos and Smithsonians.

Evan: All girls want to do is FaceTime. ‘Let’s FaceTime. FaceTime. FaceTime.’ I don’t have time for that. I want to play soccer and play basketball. I’ll text, but I’m not going to FaceTime.

He had icecream and applesauce for dinner. Friday he was eating pasta and meat sauce and shooting hoops. I think he’s recovered.

Financial Advice from a 14 Year Old

Evan: "When I'm an adult, I'm not using a bank. I mean, the Stock Market could crash and I would lose everything. I don't care if you think it's stupid, but I'm keeping my money in a shoebox under my bed. Banks cannot be trusted with my money or anyone else's. It is much safer that way. Just wait. One day it will happen. I will still have money and you won't. You will wish you stored your money in a box under your bed, too."


The wisdom of a now 14 year old.

Powerful Toes

After I finished all of the Christmas shopping last week for the boys, I realized I hadn't bought any shoes. I thought it was pretty amazing that no one needed shoes this year - especially since we seem to need new shoes at least every three months. Tennis shoes, cleats, bball shoes, church shoes... We always need new shoes. 

Today at church I happen to look down, and I see the seam on Evan's shoe has ripped leaving a gaping hole and a bunch of unraveled thread.  I ask E what happened and he said, "I swear all I did was flex my toe and it ripped! I must have some really powerful big toes."

This might have been unbelievable a few years ago, but I totally believe this today. With all of the advice I have received about rearing boys, no one ever prepared me for how fast boys can grow. As I write, I realize that Evan has been napping for two hours. I fear he will wake up another half inch taller and all of those new clothes beautifully wrapped under the tree, will no longer fit!

I see long lines under the return signs in my future!

White Trash

Today we had family pictures taken. In part because it's been three years since we had formal pics taken and in part because we were owed a favor and got a free photo session with a local photographer. 

On our way to the photo site, we were joking about "good" places to have our pictures taken. Ideas included:

In front of the industrial park. 

At the goat farm. 

Next to the junk yard.

Then Evan says, "We could all climb in a trash bin and then have a caption on our Christmas cards that says 'Merry Christmas from White Trash.'"

First Day of April

You will need some background information to understand today's post. A few weeks ago I was at school when I received a call from the school nurse stating Evan had been involved in an altercation in the lunch cafeteria and Evan required medical attention (ie: ice packs). The nurse couldn't go into many details, but Evan was currently with the principal giving his side of the story. Just with the spoon situation in kindergarten in Virginia, I was horrified to receive such a call from the school. However, as it turns out, Evan had done nothing wrong. He was in the principal's office reporting the situation, and the other kid was given ISS.

This morning I had only been awake a few minutes when Evan found me sitting on the couch, and in his most quiet voice he admitted, "Mom, I was the one that really twisted T's arm. I lied to everyone about it - even the principal, but everyone believed me because I make good grades and I follow the rules. I should have gone to ISS - no T."

Just as I was debating punishments, the possibility of enrollment in a military school, and sending him to a boarding schools in the far reaches of the Northeast, he gave me a huge smile, and said, "April Fool's Day!"

He got me again this year. This makes two years in a row. It scares me that he is so good at deceiving me.

Baptistries with no Water Hoses

We are in the search for a new church and we visited our first on Sunday. After spending five years at a church plant that met in a school cafetorium, a traditional church is anything but traditional for us. We entered the church building on Sunday with the big cross as a steeple, sat on cushioned pews, and began the service with a baptism in the baptistry located behind the choir loft. When the girl came back up from the water dripping wet, Evan said, "Whoa! Was that God magic? Where did that water come from? There is no tub or hose!"

Clearly, we need to have a talk with Evan before we entertain the idea of visiting any additional churches.

Playdates with Almost Boys

SSSHHHH! Don't tell Evan you saw this here because a playdate with a girl is like the ultimate embarrassment for a first grade boy. Or so I learned this week.

I found this sweet little note in Evan's take home folder on Monday. I asked him about it, and he just rolled his eyes. I thought it might be fun to have a playdate with Ava, but when I encouraged him to take her up on the offer, he replied, "Mom, I'm not that kind of boy."

I reminded him that he has had playdates with Campbell, and she is a girl. He replied, "That's different, Mom. She is almost a boy because she plays Ben10."

And that cleared up all of my confusion regarding playdate options. Playdates with girls are no-gos, but playdates with "almost boys" are just fine.

So, You Think You've Got Talent?

Evan's school is holding its annual talent show this month. I asked Evan if he would like to participate while fully knowing he would quickly rebuff any suggestion of performing in front of a crowd. Instead, he asked the meaning for talent. I responded with a list of various talents: juggling, singing, dancing, twirling a baton...

He said, "I can't do any of that, but I can hold my breath for so long my face turns red. You wanna see it?"

Now that's a talent that would make any mama real proud!

Update 2014: As it turns out, Evan claimed to have the talent of speed. So he arranged to carry a football with the plan of scoring a touchdown while two defenders were hot on his tail. To his dismay, while he was running, he tripped and fell on his face. Both defenders were on him within in seconds, and he wasn't able to score a touchdown. 

Evan says the memory still haunts him to this day.

Christmas Postcards and Cows

A good friend of mine from college sent a Christmas postcard last week. Although she has blond hair, that is the only characteristic that she shares with my sister.

The day before we left for Great Wolf I asked Evan to check the mailbox for mail. I knew there was mail because I had just heard the mail truck drive by. He returned empty handed and I asked if there was any mail.

Instead he asked me, "Mom, did Aunt Vikki marry another guy?"

"What??? No, of course not!", I said. "Now go back to the mailbox, take the mail out of the box and bring it to the house."

Evan told me he didn't think he could bring the mail in the house because in the mailbox there was a picture of Aunt Vikki with another man AND she had other kids with her in the picture. He said, "I don't think we need that in our house!"

At this point I am confused, really confused! I ask Evan (for the third time now) to bring the mail to me.

When he returns, he brings the Christmas postcard of our college friends April and Tate and their two children John and Rory Cate! I asked Evan why he thought April was Aunt Vikki and he said, "She has blond hair!"

Evan never ceases to intrigue me because he thinks and processes information in a very different way. How can he be so very smart and not be able to identify his aunt in a Christmas card? Sometimes I worry, really worry, and then he redeems himself with thought provoking questions like, "Why don't cows have different eye colors like people?" And then I know that confusing his aunt with a stranger is nothing compared to the real world problems that can be solved with the knowledge associated with the eye colors of cows!

The Preacher that Married the Farragh Girls

Last Sunday we attended services at my home church. The preacher there, Brother Jim, has pastored the church for years. Among other things, he presided over the marriage ceremonies of my sister and me.

When we entered the foyer of the building, Brother Jim greeted us and attempted a conversation with Evan. As usual, Evan had nothing to say to the strange adult because he is "shy" (or that is what Evan would like for us to believe). Jim made the off-hand remark that he married me and Wes a long time ago, patted Evan's head, and moved on to the next set of visitors.

Evan appeared really confused and began to ask questions. We tried to remind him that Brother Jim is the same man that married Aunt Vikki just a few years ago. Didn't he remember?

With eyes as big as saucers, he asked, "You mean that guy is married to mom AND Aunt Vikki?"

Movies on Demand

We have Fios with Verizon and we have the option to order movies on demand. Each month the choices change. This evening, when the boys were supposed to be watching Jimmy Neutron on Nickolodean, Evan crept up the stairs and whispered so that Wes would not hear, "Mom, can you come downstairs for a sec?" I knew it was bad because besides whispering he was also biting his nails. This was a sure sign he was nervous about something. When I got downstairs he stated, "I think we just ordered a movie. I think we just ordered Bridge to Terabithia." What???? I don't even know how to order a movie with the Verizon remote, but when I asked Evan how he did it, the process was simple enough. He pushed "on demand" and then scrolled through the icons until he found the movie he wanted. Unfortunately, it was too late to cancel the movie and so we now owe $4.99 for the movie that the boys will watch half an hour of before it is time for bed.
When I informed them of their mistake and that they now owed me $5.00, the boys quickly got nervous. They decided they would go through their piggy banks and scrape together the money necessary to make the needed amount. When they decided that was too much work, both boys returned to me and said, "We don't have five one dollar bills, but we think this will be about $5.00." And then I got the biggest laugh of all day! From behind his back Evan pulled out the prized possession worth five dollars. Somehow, when the Verizon bill arrives next month, I am supposed to pay the bill with his plastic dinosaur that accompanied last month's Happy Meal! 

Burning Question

Evan: Mom, is heaven really built on a cloud?
Me: No, I don't think so, but no one knows for sure.
Evan: Well, I am pretty sure that George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Michael Jackson could tell us.
Me (trying to hold back laughter): Really, why is that?
Evan: (Big sigh) Because they're dead!
Me: Well, just because you die doesn't mean that you go to heaven.
Evan: Oh, yeah! Well, then I guess Abraham Lincoln and George Washington know what it's like.
Me: Why those two?
Evan: Because I am pretty sure that they knew God, but Michael Jackson..... I don't know.... He wore that glove all that time and did that dancing....

Karma Got Me

I have suffered from debilitating migrains since I was eight. I can remember missing recess in the third grade because my head was throbbing. They were the worst about eight years ago when we lived in Kansas, and in the past year they have returned. This past week I had one for almost four days straight. On Friday it was horrible; probably one of the worst I have ever experienced.

After downing four Advils on the way to church (I was preparing myself for the all boy Sunday School class I was about to teach), I rubbed my temples and complained, "What have I done to deserve this pain?"

Evan looked at me and asked, "Mom, have you done anything bad lately?" Oh great! I thought. My son is going to suggest that my migrains are a result of my sins. He looked at me and said in all seriousness, "I was just going to say it might be Karma."

Thank you, Wise One.

Church Couches

On our way to church on Sunday we drove by the huge church on Highway 234 that hosts the Gospel Service and has hundreds of people attending the late morning service. Evan commented on all the cars pulling into the parking lot of the huge church.
Keep in mind we attend a small church plant of maybe 60 attendees that meet in the cafetorium of an elementary school. Every week we convert the room into a sanctuary with a sound table, some plastic chairs, a podium, and a communion table. The differences between the two churches couldn't be greater. As we drove by the big church last Sunday Evan wondered aloud, "That is a really big church. I wonder if it has couches like Opa and Oma's church."
I sat through three stop lights before I realized "couches" meant pews. He wanted to know if the big church on the highway had cushioned seats as opposed to the uncomfortable blue plastic chairs that we use. I started to explain to him that most churches do have "couches", but he is already confused enough with the praise band at our church and the lack of instruments at the Church of Christ service in Texas so I let it go. 

It's a Meteroid

After spending some time outside playing in the tree line with the neighbor Mark, Evan ran inside today exclaiming, "Mom! We found a meteroid! I need my space books to look at the pictures to make sure." Up to his room he ran and a few minutes later he returned with his "Solar System Book." He and Mark, after looking at the pictures, verified it was a meteroid.

Just as the sun was setting Evan persuaded me to take a look. We tromped through the trees, crossed the golf course, and walked the golf cart path for what seemed a really long time. Along the way we discussed various characteristics of the planets. (Evan can tell you which planets are rocky, which are made of gas, and why Pluto is no longer a planet. For some reason, he is fascinated with space.) Finally, Evan said, "This is it!"

A part of the path in the backyard has been washed out by water running off the path. The path of the water left a rather big gully that looked just like the picture of the Barringer Crater formed in Arizona by a meteorite many years ago. Evan assumed that the hole in our backyard was formed by a meteorite since the shapes were similar. Surprisingly he didn't seem too upset when I told him water was the likely culprit.

Inauguration Day

Evan: "Why isn't Dr. Gates at the inauguration?"
Me: "He has been taken to a safe place in case there is an emergency during the inauguration."
Evan: "What kind of emergency?"
Me: "Well some people do not like Obama because he is black. Some people might try to hurt him today during the ceremony."
Evan: "You mean they will try to kill him."
Me: "It is possible."

Time elapse of thirty minutes. We are now watching the inauguration ceremony on TV.

Evan: "When will Obama be killed?"
Me: "What!?"
Evan: "You said Obama will be shot during the ceremony. When will that happen? I don't want to miss that part."
Me: "It is not going to happen; it is only a possibility."
Evan: "I am going downstairs to play. Call me if the bad guys come out with guns or something."

I tried so hard to explain to the kids the importance of today's event. I explained why it is important for Americans to have a black leader. I thought that I had made my points with clarity, and yet this is not what caught Evan's attention. Oh well, he is only six.

The Girlfriend

Last night we attended a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese for one of Evan's friends. On his way to work, Wes asked, "So whose birthday is it tonight?" Evan answered, "My girl friend, duh!" This was interesting because although he has mentioned that Kara is his girlfriend, he usually just refers to her as Kara.

Although Kara's mother and I have spoken on the phone and sent emails, we have never met. Upon arriving to Chuck E Cheese, I tried to introduce myself, but before I could get any words out, she said, "Oh! Is this who I think it is? Is this the Evan I hear so much about?" To her teenage daughter she said, "Well, I am glad that she has good taste, and look! He is really tall."

To have an adult size up by six year old baby was a little unnerving. Never mind that I did the same to Kara when I met her back in September in the kindergarten classroom. However, what happened next says it all. A group of five little girls spotted Evan standing at the drink counter, and began to run toward us squealing his name. However, Evan looked right over the group of girls, and spotted his friend Benjamin. With his arms outstretched ready for a big bear hug, he ran right for Benjamin.

Money Tree

Keagan has accrued quite a bit of money from his birthday from his great-grandmothers. It is more than any four year old needs. Since he spent $7.00 at Dutch Wonderland buying a sword, we suggested last night that he put the rest in the bank. I tried to explain that if he put the money in a savings account, then in a few years it would grow and would be even more money. Evan asked, "You mean that if he puts money in the bank, then a tree will grow with money on it." Well, not exactly, but he was close!