Burning Questions Part 2

Evan: Mom, when you played basketball were you playing for a college team?

Me: No, Honey. I was 13 and in the 8th grade.

Me: Keagan, did you turn on the heat?

Keagan: Yes, my hand was cold.

Me: Your hand???

Keagan: Yeah, my hand.

Parent: Miss Toole! Which middle school does your older son attend?

Me: You mean Evan? Oh, Honey. Evan is only in third grade.

Parent: What do you feed him?

Evan: Mom is that guy gay?

Me: Yeah, he seems pretty happy to me.

Evan: OK, but is he gay?

Pinning Ceremony

I have been collecting the extra ka-ching from Wes's promotion since 01 JAN, but today was his official pinning date. It took place on the shores of the Persian Gulf.

I have no idea the name of the other officer, but I am sure he must be an upstanding man and soldier because Wes waited three weeks for his arrival so that he could do the honor. I am bummed to have missed the event for obvious reasons, but also because after fourteen years in the Army, I finally can sing the words to the Army song. I would have done you proud, Honey, with my solo! And I say solo because I just realized that they don't even play the Army song at pinning ceremonies. Maybe by retirement I will get the rituals and traditions memorized.

One question, Wes. Did you yell "Rock of the Marne" after the ceremony? They boys want to know if anyone returned your call with "Screamin' Eagles!"

He's Not Ready for an Allowance

Evan wants an allowance. I have agreed to $5 a week if he can complete two chores during the week: make his bed daily and take out the trash on trash days.

It's pretty simple, right?

Day #1: Saturday - He didn't make his bed.
It's the first day of the deal. I ignore the mistake to see how long it takes before he remembers he wants an allowance.

Day #2: Sunday - Again, he didn't make his bed.
This is said in the car on the way to church.
"Oh, you mean I have to do chores on the weekend, too? Mom, that was never discussed. I think I should have the weekends off."

Day #3: Monday - He made my bed (to make up for Saturday), and he made his own bed. He checked the trashcan to see if it was full enough to take outside. He's determined to correct the wrong so he can get the money to buy Squinkies. I have no idea what these are, but the product has been located on the web and the webpage has been conveniently saved to my favorites. I think this is a hint.

Day #4: Tuesday - He made my bed but not his own.
He says I pushed him out the door before he could get to it. Ohhhh, but you had enough time to play a quick game of basketball and check the highlights on Sports Center?

Day #5: Wednesday - He put the trash can on the curb, but he didn't put the trash bags in the can. He didn't make his bed.
He wants to know when I am ordering the Squinkies.

Day #6: Thursday - He says, "I have an idea, Mom. Just pay me for the good grades I get. Not every mom has a son that is the top AR points earner AND gets straight As all the time."

I have a son who still expects to get a crisp $5 bill on Friday afternoon. His world will crumble when I refuse to pay him and his dream of a new Squinkie collection are put to rest. You will hear his cries of protest all the way in Texas. I am sure of it. He will say I am unfair. He will say I lied to him.

I will tell him he's smart, he keeps straight As all the time; he didn't keep his end of the deal. What's not to understand?

Showing 'Em How It's Done

It all made sense today.

 I now know why Keagan has been spending so much of his free time listening to music and practicing his dance moves. Today was the Just Dance AR party for the students who met their reading goals for the second quarter. Keagan currently has the most points of any first grader, and as the point leader, he got to choose the first song.

After school, I asked how it went, and he said, "Don't worry, Mom. I showed 'em how it's done."

Everything's Bigger in Texas...Even Fat Lips

Oh, happy day! As of today, I have Texas plates on the car driven everywhere but Texas. It has been a long fourteen years since I have been able to wear the plate of home.

The boys are proud Texans, too, even if they have never lived in the Great State. However, this picture was actually just a ploy to get Keagan in front of the camera. His big fat lip is not your imagination. He jacked up his face last night when he was playing on the perimeter of the tub, slipped on the wet surface, and hit his face on the toilet lid. There was blood, yells, blood, chipped teeth, and cries before I finally got out of him what happened. Today, too embarrassed to say that he fell and hit his lip on the toilet, he went to school and told his friends that Evan beat him up. After school, a group of first graders came to Keagan's defense, and while encircling Evan like soldiers about to launch a major attack, demanded to know why Evan would he do such a thing. Evan played it cool. He knew how nervous Keagan was about the kids learning the truth. His reply, "That's what brothers do. Now who wants to play some football?"

Keagan's secret is safe...for now.

And I have Texas plates.

Come On, Man!

This is what I overheard the boys talking about on the way home today.

She is such a diva; all the girls crowd around her in the gym. I don't get it either because she is so annoying. Did you see that powder she had on her face? She had white powder all over her face and red stuff on her cheeks. It looked really bad, but all the girls thought she was so cool.

I interrupted. Wait!!! You mean to say a first grade girl was wearing make up today at school?

Evan: Oh, Mom! That's nothing. There was a kindergartner wearing masquerade and eye lighter yesterday. 

Keagan's Media Festival Project

Every year the kids at the local elementary school complete media festival projects. Last year Evan's project (his web page on "The States of Matter" created within a small group) made it to the national level and earned the award "recognized." This was quite the honor. Keagan's project on "I Like Sports" made it to the district level and then didn't score high enough to advance to state. This weekend he completed the project he plans to submit to this year's festival. He is so hoping for a trophy this year!

Miracle Makers and Disappointment

It's a holiday weekend and we were up at o'dark thirty preparing for a day at the gym. Evan's team picked up a new player this week, and when I saw this kid on the court Monday, I thought we had reached basketball heaven. This kid has been blessed with some awesome basketball skills, and since our team seriously lacks real talent, I just knew he was our answer to scoring out of the single digits. And I dare say, I thought we might have a chance to win, too. Our miracle player played well, but it wasn't enough to overcome the Jazz. The Jazz coach arrives to the games with a clipboard, a marker board, and colored markers. He has a play book. Our coach had the wrong game time, and according to Evan, has only one play in his play book. It's called suicides. However out-matched we might have been, Evan had two three point shots and scored a total of eight points. 

Keagan's team lost by one point in the last 20 seconds of the game. Eight hours later it is still too painful for me to discuss. After the game, he walked right past the mom holding the snack bags, skipping his thrice daily carb high, and headed straight  for the car. That's when I knew he saw the injustice of the last minute loss as I did, and I would have to be the adult and help him calmly walk through his anger and disappointment. 

Then I saw these shots on my camera, and who could remain so sad? He scored, he played his heart out, and he had parents we didn't even know congratulating him with a job well done. 

We will do it all over again next Saturday.

Play by Play Action

Last week I found Evan awake in his bed at ten o'clock. On top of his bed were stacks of notebooks, printer paper, colored pencils and erasers. I asked what he was he doing so late at night, and he said, "I gotta get these football plays on paper, Mama. If I don't, I might not remember them tomorrow and then I won't be able to win."

He is the next Jimmy Johnson, and by JJ, I mean the legendary Cowboys coach, not the NASCAR driver.

This morning the boys were outside playing football. Keagan was the "coach" and Evan was the "team." (Don't even begin to question how Evan can pass, receive, and  tackle when he is playing the role of eleven players because in his mind he does it all.) Evan handed Keagan a stack of papers, and said, "Here are the papers you will need to throw down on the ground and stomp on when the team messes up. All good coaches do that when they get mad."

A few minutes later I hear Keagan grabbing a drink in the kitchen, and I ask him how the game is going. He says, "They are playing like crap today, Mom!" Intrigued, I asked why. He says, "Well we are pretending we are the Dolphins today, and they always play bad."

Burning Questions

Keagan: "Mom, have you heard of Ahammad Dali?"

Me: "Yeah, I've heard of Mohammad Ali."

Evan: "Mom, has a boy ever had a baby?"
Me: "No, it isn't possible."
Evan: "Well, that's a relief! Because I don't want to ever be pregnant."

Keagan: "Mom, when I'm an astronaut and get into space, how will I know when to get back into the space shuttle? I don't want to be the first astronaut that gets left on the moon."

Evan: "Mom, where's the celery?"
Me: "I haven't bought any since we got back from Texas."
Evan: "What's a boy supposed to snack on then?"
He found no celery, but he found green onions. Guess what he decided to try as his afternoon snack? 

The Beast of the Bulls

Here's another sports post. I promise we have a life outside of sporting events, albeit very limited. We are currently in the middle of basketball season. Last year, Keagan decided during registration that he didn't want to play, and when the games began in January and he had to watch his brother play while sitting in the bleachers, he regretted his decision for months. By the time December rolled around again, he was more than ready to hit the court.

Today was the Bulls first game. I had serious doubts that we could pull anything off because we have four adults that all try to coach, and at Thursday's practice, the kids spent 15 minutes running in circles while the coaches debated who would be the best player to jump in the opening tip off. I came close to screaming, "Go with the tall kid," but decided I better not when I remembered all the bleacher coaching I would be doing today. As it turns out, they went with the tall kid anyway. Good choice, Coach 1, Coach 2, Coach 3, and Coach 4. 

Despite the lack of ability to make quick decisions with tall kids and tip offs, it was looking very promising this morning when we had more than five players show up to the game and there was no opposing team in sight. As it turns out, we won by forfeit. Most of us had gotten out of bed really early on a Saturday morning,  though, and we didn't plan to go home so easily. We rounded up some random kids in the gym who agreed to scrimmage us, and we were good for our first game. 

The play of the game was Keagan's game winning basket with 23 seconds left on the clock. While the stands went wild with cheers, I'm pretty sure I pulled a Victor Cruz and did some salsa dancing in the bleachers as my victory dance. Of course neither my dance nor Keagan's shot were captured on video. I was busy bleacher coaching after all, but I did get a couple of not-so-great highlights. Highlights that could only be appreciated by the mom and dad of number 11, or as the other parents now refer to as "The Beast."

Nugget of Advice: Let's Learn the Chest Pass

Evan's basketball season tipped off today with their first game. While Keagan's team has a plethora of coaches, we have struggled to keep a coach. The first coach was around for only one practice, and then he left for Fort Polk. Our second coach was a dad that just got orders for Afghanistan. And now we are onto our third coach. At our first practice with coach #3, he won me over when he had the kids running, and they ran so much, one kid began to cry and call out for his mommy.
I felt what I am sure was an instant connection with the 20 year old private.

While the Nuggets began with a team of eight players, we are now down to five. I can only assume these missing ten year olds were just not interested in playing a sport that required running.

One of the players that is still on the team is ten year old fifth grader that is about 5 feet 2 inches tall. She is a beast, and because no one can ever remember her real name we have begun, coaches included, to refer to her as Big Girl. When I first saw Big Girl, I thought for sure she had been placed on the wrong team. After all, Evan is only in third grade and I just couldn't begin to believe that he was old enough to be placed on a team with a girl who was as tall as most adults and wears a bra. So I asked to see her birth certificate.

Apparently, Evan is old enough to be placed on a team with a girl as tall as most adults and wears a bra.

Big Girl is so tall she doesn't have to jump to make a basket. She can touch the rim, and she does from time to time when she takes a shot. Unfortunately, she still doesn't make a lot of points. Herein lies the biggest disappointment of the season. Evan believed Big Girl was the secret to a winning season. After today's game, he realizes a new strategy is needed. I think our new strategy will include learning the chest pass.

In Evan's mind, though, it was a good game. He did get a three pointer in today's game!

I personally think all five kiddos on the Nuggets are the winners. They played the entire game, running back and forth on the court, keeping up with the opposing team, and not one of them cried and called out for their mama!

He Gets His Moves from Wes

I had these visions of the boys wrapped up in the covers of the bed quietly reading a book with their brand new Kindle Fires. However, the reality is nothing is ever quiet in this house and the boys read only when I strap them into their beds and use threats of "you'll have no football for a week."

I signed Keagan up for track beginning in March. Basketball is in full swing now. Soccer begins next month. I am pushing the sports like never before because this is how the Kindle has been used the majority of the time - when I am not threatening "no football for a week."

This is just one of five videos taken in the past couple of days, and I watch all five of them over and over again because I LOVE them. He is just so darn cute! After I stop chuckling, though, I am reminded that we need to go outside and kick the soccer ball.

Oral Surgery

Just call me Doctor Toole. I just performed oral surgery in my bathroom and removed this thing from my child's mouth.

Is it just me or is that one big tooth??? If I hadn't pulled it out myself, I would have confused it for the tooth of a megalodon. Do you know how many times I told Keagan this week to "man up; it's just a lose tooth." Well, suffice it to say that after seeing this thing, I now know why he was looking forward to a shot of novocain in the mouth, and why it has taken an inordinate amount of time to lose a baby tooth.

Special thanks to the big brother who knocked this tooth loose last week. Our appointment to have it removed is Wednesday. I think I will just cancel that and use the money I would have given the dentist on a pair of Toms wrap boots.

I might also add that I am super pumped to have a kid that doesn't have teeth stacked in front of each other. 

Advantages of Having a Pet

Keagan is now reading chapter books independently, but he needs some encouragement to actually sit down and read. He would much rather be outside moving than sitting inside with a book. So I came up with the idea of Keagan reading to Maybelle.
It's like animal-assisted therapy except instead of a dog, we have a cat, and the patient is not the child but the parent! I don't think I could handle a second go-around in all 46 books of the Magic Tree House series, but Maybelle handles the nightly adventures just fine.

So far it has worked like a charm.

Livin' High in the Highlander

Wes gets promoted, goes to the desert for a year, receives hazardous duty pay, earns separation pay, and works tax free for the year.

I buy a new car.

Fair? I think so.