Evan: "Mom, why don't you leave post and come work in the county. You would love it at Rossview. The teachers are young and teach like you do. You'd get along great with them! And if you're having a bad day, just go spend a few minutes in the foreign language bathrooms."
"Why would I do that?"
"That's the bathroom the students use to smoke pot. You'd feel happy in no time!"
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